The Truth About Labour

I could beat around the bush and tell you that being in labour is just a hiccup that all women go through blah blah blah... ITS THE WORST THING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN TO YOU. Nothing to worry about though!

I went through pregnancy in denial of the fact that I would be in any pain whatsoever through childbirth because I might as well be super woman, I am not like any other being, I'm hard as nails, obviously. This was not the case. Not even a slither.

I was in complete disappointment with the whole female species when I had realised the truth of labour. So here I am, giving you the heads up, so you can prepare yourself, slightly, if you can, yeah you still can't prepare yourself in any shape or form for what is about to go down.

So firstly lets talk contractions.

Stage One

Step 1

Feel a warmness radiating in your back and side for about 5 seconds. This happens at about 7 mins apart.

Step 2

This warmness is now starting to feel like a small electric shock for about 10 seconds, you can feel this more in your lower stomach now- 5 mins apart

Step 3

It's now completely in your lower stomach now. the electric shock is starting to heighten through each contraction and is starting to get pretty unbearable.- 4 mins apart. (This is when you start to have those feelings about killing certain people in the room for talking about anything other than you)

Stage Two

Step 4

A knife has been pushed in to your stomach and being twisted in your gut.- 2 mins apart

Step 5

Another knife has come to play but also stabbing into your back vigorously- 1 mins apart

Step 6

PLEASE LORD KILL ME NOW I DON'T CARE ANYMORE I DON'T NEED A BABY MY BAD TAKE MY LIFE AS A SACRIFICE TO STOP CONTRACTIONS AND HELP WOMEN LIVE IN PEACE AND TRANQUILITY.

Stage Three

Step 7

Push, push like you've never pushed before.

Good Luck.

There you have it ladies, the brutal honest truth. You can thank me later.

#labour #birth #pain #baby #sayyourprayers