Sleep Time Sheet

7:00pm: Indulge in a relaxing luke warm not too hot, not too cold, not too many bubbles, not for too long, not with any of your favourite products bubble bath. Then rock yourself back and forth about 10x trying to gain balance to stand. Once stood, hurdle over the edge of the bath and slap a towel round you in hope that it still fits around your beautifully now striped skin.

P.s It’s okay to wee in the bath now, it’s acceptable, you’re pregnant.

7:30pm: Wee.

8:00pm: Treat yourself to a nice hot meal of your choice, if your partner’s around, treat him too! He’ll be right pissed off if you cook yourself something and not him but tomorrow he’ll make himself a cup of tea and “I didn’t think you wanted one?!” will be his excuse.

Note to self: reheat hubby leftovers from last week.

8:05pm: Wee. Nothing will come out, false alarm, baby just squishing bladder, abort mission.

8:15pm: Eat dinner. Avoid topic with hubby that food is not the same as yours.

8:30pm: Ignore wee. We know that this is a false alarm.

9:00pm: Curl yourself up on the sofa and turn on a nice chickflick with a glass of milk and a large bar of chocolate. Forget that you bought the other half an xbox and his battlefield bum buddy is online.

9:05pm: Wee. You now have urine running down your leg from the 8:30pm wee you ignored; wasn’t a false alarm, should not have been ignored.

9:30pm: Crawl into your nice warm bed with your partner. Partner still on Xbox, gunshots heard from bedroom.

10:00pm: Wee. Run, run fast.

10:05pm: Drift off into a deep sleep. Baby wriggles to find comfort at this time so be kept awake for 2 more hours.

(Wee about 3 times in this time gap)

12:00am: Partner crawls into bed. Very Loudly.

12:05am: Partner pulls you closer for a spoon. This is very thoughtful but very unwanted at this time. Stomach: Kick, kick, jab, jab, elbow drop, head butt. Ninja warrior awakened.

2:00am: Wee. Wake up feeling like your stomach is about to burst from your pelvis. Hobble to the toilet hoping to avoid this. Crawl back into bed, stay awake for 30 mins huffing at the fact that your partner breathes too loudly.

5:00am: Guess what?! Wee.

7:30am: Wake up to alarm. You have now gained at least 2 and a half hours of uninterrupted sleep! Congratulations!

8:00am: Eat breakfast. Feel your eyeballs slipping out of your skull into your cereal and your head spinning, begging for more sleep. NOPE! Now get your arse to work and keep counting down those days until maternity leave! Tata!

#sleepless #time #pregnant